The Bronze Rule (Revisited)

I received this email in response to my musings on the Gold, Silver, and Bronze rules, and I want to respond here because I have an important lesson to share.

“What if you reflect upon your actions and whilst you expect others to reflect on theirs, they "don't and won't?”

The key word here is “expect.”

We have to enter each rupture without expectation while realising the sheer futility of this for most of us.

Let’s say you fight with a loved one, and later, you reflect and take responsibility for how you responded, expecting them to do the same. You’re in victim consciousness, playing the role of the Hero and casting them as the Villain.

The strength of the Bronze Rule is taking responsibility not because you want to play quid pro quo but because you know it’s the right thing to do. It’s your North Star, a part of your new conscious wiring.

And yet, the human condition springs an unwanted dichotomy onto us.

While you’ll eventually learn the value of the Bronze Rule, it takes time for your habits to change, meaning you’ll likely fail to take responsibility without expectation.

Expectations will remain.

You will want the other to respond in kind.

So you’ll fail.

Repeatedly.

And this is where compassion comes in. 

You won’t nail it the first time.

What’s important is you’re learning to recognise when you’ve had a breach of integrity and choose to get back in line by taking responsibility.

To put a bow on this, if you take responsibility for your part in an argument with a loved one and they don’t, and you respond from below the line, later, post-reflection, you go back and take responsibility for that.